Well… it did not take long. School has been back in session in Florida for only a few weeks and the book banning band of discordant musicians is back in full swing. People on Facebook (and only God knows where else) are claiming that The Diary of Anne Frank has been banned in our schools. Not so.
The slap of the newspaper hitting the door woke Jerry, who was sleeping on the sofa... again. He had not felt the comfort of his pillow topped mattress in a month. As the sun peaked through the slats of the venetian blinds, he opened his eyes and took note of his life.
In this topsy turvy world, young girls are in danger of being lost to an agenda that is not healthy no matter which side of the issue you support. We must encourage the youngest among us to be true to themselves.
I rarely post anything personal on social media, but the past two decades have been a study in endurance for me and my husband, Mike. Our 48th wedding anniversary is on the horizon. This “memory” is for him…
In the early 70s, my dad passed away on his way to work. He took a seat on the NYC subway train he rode every day and died. Just like that. No warning. No ceremony. He was gone.
The thought of living alone terrified my mother and, since I was divorcing my first husband, everyone - except me - seemed to think it would be a great idea if I moved in with her. She still lived in my childhood home in a neighborhood that practiced the "It takes a village" philosophy long before it became a popular book title and political rallying cry. I did not relish being the new topic of conversation among the parents of my childhood friends, but I really could not see a way out of my dilemma so home I went. Being Catholic, mom had memorial masses said every Sunday in the parish of my youth, and she expected my sister and me to attend.
At the very first mass, I looked across the church and, seated on the aisle, was a boy - now a man - I had gone to grammar school with many, many years before. He acknowledged me with the raising of his eyebrows and when mass was over, he went out of his way to find me among the exiting crowd. I could hear his footsteps echoing on the marble floors of the vestibule as he pushed his way to the front doors where I was shaking hands with Father Mark.
Joe and I talked for about an hour, trying to fit 10 years into 60 minutes. He was also getting divorced so we had horror stories to share and compare. It was not until Father Mark returned to lock the church doors that we realized we stood alone on the sidewalk.
"We should continue this conversation over dinner. " Joe said. "How about tomorrow night?"
I was nodding like one of those bobble head dolls before the invitation was fully out of his mouth.
Funny how life works. Joe was a good looking guy with a great sense of humor. He also had a well-known reputation for being a thief of hearts which did not keep me from imagining the possibilities that lay ahead. He picked me up promptly at 7:00 pm but, before heading off to the restaurant, he asked if I would mind if we stopped at his chiropractor's office so he could get a treatment. In those days, doctors actually had evening hours to accommodate their working patients.
We could not have been in the waiting room more than a few minutes when the inside door opened and in walked Mike who, in my opinion, was the epitome of every girl's dream -- tall, dark, handsome, polished, well-mannered, well-spoken and a smile that could melt an iceberg. I knew immediately that he was the real deal and not some imposter who would use his looks and position to add notches to his bedpost. Unfortunately, he was also Joe's best friend and, even more unfortunately, he was in a relationship.
The quiet dinner for two became a laugh riot dinner for three when Mike joined us. I remember thinking, "Why can't I meet a guy like this?" When I got home later that evening, I expressed those same sentiments to my mother, who offered this very profound statement, "If you want something badly enough, you will get it."
Joe and I and Mike and Joanne began double dating, but it always seemed that Mike and I talked more to each other than to our own dates. Since Mike also taught at the New York Institute of Technology on Long Island three days a week, he began driving me to my office in Manhattan. Sometimes, if his schedule would allow, he would meet me for lunch. Obviously, we felt a connection, but we kept our relationship strictly friends.
My initial infatuation with Joe was waning. The more I got to know him, the more I realized he had not moved much past an eighth grade mentality. One evening, the four of us attended a civic fundraiser together. We had a great time and, as the night drew to a close, Joanne and I headed off to the ladies room for that one last "go" before the car ride home. While freshening our makeup, she put her hand on my arm and said, "I am probably crazy to say this, but you and Mike belong together. Our relationship isn't what it used to be, so if he should ask you out, do not be a fool. Go." The moment was surreal. I remember a guilty feeling washing over me… the kind you might get if caught reading a stranger’s diary.
Well, Mike did ask me out and I did accept and the rest is history. Forty-eight years, two kids, three grandchildren, five houses and a revolving door of more pets than the Bronx zoo, he is still the center of my universe. We have literally seen each other through sickness and health and a very close call with “til death do us part.” We have aged together, not just biologically but emotionally as we endured the pain and suffering life has sometimes caused us and our children. When people ask me how it is that we have remained in love all these years, I always tell them, "You don't have to love somebody to like them, but you do have to like somebody to love them." Like is a powerful glue that makes love strong enough to withstand the most difficult of times.
Happy Anniversary, Mike. I “like” you more than you will ever know.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
For more than 20 years, my husband was a police physician in our home town of Fort Lee, New Jersey. Day in and day out, law enforcement officers would come in for treatment of illnesses and injuries sustained on the job. During their appointments, they would regale us with tales of their adventures, some of which were hair-raising stories of lives threatened and, most often, saved. Others were humorous bits of interactions between themselves and our local citizens.
In a March 14, 2020 USA Today editorial, contributor Brendan Clarey wrote “… if you had no clue that our nation’s children are supposed to be crafting butterflies out of potato chips before writing down their stories, you’re in good company. There are many things we can blame on the internet but none of them compare to the infernal, diurnal stream of nonsensical days dedicated to everything from the mundane to the downright bizarre, all of which more unnecessary than the last.”
I agree. Most of the ridiculous national days which populate calendars were created by corporations as clever bits of marketing. They serve no purpose other than to make money for snack food and toy manufacturers worldwide. Some national days are actually dangerous and can put people in the hospital… or the grave., i.e. National Weed Appreciation Day and National Something on a Stick Day. Just use your imagination for that last one.
What exactly is a National Day of Recognition?
According to Wikipedia, a national day is a celebration marking the statehood or nationhood of a territory or its people. It may be a date recognizing independence or a birthday, coronation, or death of a historical figure. Some national days are public holidays which sets them apart from less notable national days. I doubt many corporations would consider National Talk Like Yoda Day worthy of being a paid holiday, but it was celebrated on May 21st by Star Wars fans around the world.
This year (2023), there will be approximately 67 days set aside to celebrate ridiculous national days. I am not referencing traditional holidays such as New Year’s Day, Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those days are significant to all Americans regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, political leanings, gender, financial status, education and so forth. While I would like to think that people recognize the importance of these days, my gut tells me most people celebrate them more for what they can do on those days than what happened to make those holidays possible. In other words, Independence Day is important because people can spend the weekend raising the profit margins for Anheuser Busch, Oscar Meyer, and Perdue. I am fairly certain that very few people stop to think about the reason we are able to celebrate with an excess of beer, burgers and chicken wings.
While I recognize the whimsy in choosing to honor bagels, donuts and blonde brownies, I do think we would be better served by bringing attention to areas of social consciousness that need improvement. Some among you… those who do not believe that people should be held accountable for their actions … may feel that my list of preferred national days infringes on your personal liberties. Okay. Whatever. Ask me if I care.
Here goes: National Mandatory Death Sentences for Rapists Day. National Castrate Pedophiles Day. National Enact and Enforce Reasonable Immigration Policy Day. National Stop Telling People How to Live Their Lives Day. National Learn to Spell and Use Proper Grammar Day.” Oops! If that one was ever enacted, Star Wars fans would break out their light sabers to “Protect their master’s legacy, they would.” Then again, there would be fewer annoying memes on Facebook.
If anyone would like to add to my list, I would be happy to include your sensible suggestions.
When I think of all the pain and suffering in the world… in America… and then I hear we are celebrating National Bobblehead Day… well, I can only hope that the Bobbleheads in questions are Congressmen up for reelection. The more attention we bring to their failed record of accomplishments, the better off we will be.
Once we improve our language skills (National Learn to Spell and Use Proper Grammar Day), we can move on to other important issues. A National Day of Getting a Grip on Common Sense might be a good place to start. That one could be hard to put into action since common sense is not very common.
Anyone interested in starting a petition?
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
Who is to blame when mass media (television, radio, hardcopy, internet) floods the viewing/listening public with fake news? Should we point an accusatory finger at the reporters who, knowingly or not, use scare tactics to up their ratings? Should we look to the companies/institutions releasing the false information and question why… what is to be gained? Or… do we take what we hear at face value and assume it is true? If we are guilty of not using our brains to confirm the accuracy of what we read and hear, who is responsible when dire consequences are the result?
As a society, we are hungry for information. We are inundated with truth and lies every day. Sadly, many people are gullible and, much like the children led away by the Pied Piper (never to be seen again), they march to the beat of someone else’s drum. If there is a lesson to be learned from this fairy tale, it is to think rationally before acting upon anything.
Below are a few examples of harmful misinformation:
A few years back, two medical reports on Fox 29 WFLX sent me running to my computer. The first report had to do with increased obesity in children born through caesarean delivery. The second focused on the danger the new colorful cleaning “pods” offered by certain manufacturers (Tide) presented for children.
As to the first report, Brazilian researchers claimed to have found a connection between overweight babies and C-sections. The consensus was that vaginal births provided healthy bacteria, which helped to avoid weight gain in later life. Let us look at the criteria used to reach that conclusion.
Initial findings were based on interviews with individuals born by caesarian section. The oldest person surveyed was age 23. Twenty three is not “in later life.” Twenty three is a body still under construction.
Scientists found a 9% to 16% higher likelihood of obesity in c-section births compared to 7% to 10% with vaginal births. When you realize how shortsighted they were in limiting the age range of their subjects, it comes as no surprise that the data they relied on never accounted for life circumstances such as heredity, weight at birth, education, income and bad habits like smoking and alcohol consumption. Once those factors were taken into consideration, the research proved to be completely false.
Unfortunately, the new evidence was not reported although it was readily available. As a result women who heard the broadcast and who were candidates for a caesarean delivery had something else to worry about… unnecessarily. It is frightening to think that women facing birthing decisions would make choices based on mendacious information and thereby put their own lives and that of their babies at risk.
On to the second story which spotlighted the lure of brightly packaged cleaning products and their danger to children. As backup to the television report, a column written by Doctors Michael Rolzen and Mehmet Oz appeared in the Palm Beach Post. Both stories perpetrated the myth that manufacturers are responsible for the safety of children. Doctors Rolzen and Oz noted that the Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) was looking into creating manufacturing standards that will protect children.
A 2001 UCLA report stated that unintentional accidents were the leading cause of death in children over the age of one. In 2021, the CDC released this statement: More than 7,000 children and teens age 0-19 died because of unintentional injuries in 2019. That is about 20 deaths each day. Leading causes of child unintentional injury include motor vehicle crashes, suffocation, drowning, poisoning, fires, and falls. Child injury is often preventable.
Although it is a commonly held belief that accidents just happen, that is not true. The UCLA report noted that most injuries are not random and unavoidable. They are the result of choices made by parents and guardians. For example, parents make choices about whether to place containers of hazardous materials where children can reach them, i.e. Tide pods.
The purpose of creative marketing is to sell. The obligation of parents is now and always has been to protect their offspring. The two agendas are not mutually exclusive. Dangerous chemicals need to be kept securely away from small children whether they are packaged in brightly colored wrapping or titanium.
There are as many companies manufacturing cabinet locks as there are laundry and dishwashing detergents. A report issued by the State Farm Insurance Company in 2011 recommended the use of the aforementioned locks for households with small children. Said locks can help to keep our children both thinner and safer and serve to lower statistics on injuries and death.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
FACT: According to the latest statistics nearly 40 percent of U.S. adults are obese. Another 30 percent are overweight and 8 percent are severely obese. Obesity is a major health issue associated with numerous diseases, specifically an increased risk of cancer, coronary artery disease, Type 2 diabetes, stroke, and cardiovascular disease. Obesity significantly increases the risk of early mortality. Seventeen percent of our youth ages 10-17 are obese, a number which translates to 14.7 million children and adolescents.
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How many of you are familiar with the name Alexander Woollcott? Mr. Woollcott was a loved and hated drama critic for The New Yorker magazine. He died in 1943, and my only purpose in referencing him is so I can pilfer one of his famous quotes: "All the things I really like to do are illegal, immoral or fattening." With the overindulgence of the holidays about to descend on our tongues and torsos, attention should be centered on the problem of obesity in America.
Travel with me back in time to the 1980s and First Lady Nancy Reagan's attempt to fight the war on drugs. Out of that failed campaign came the famous advertising slogan, "Just Say No," which was eventually hijacked to bring awareness to the dangers of violence, premarital sex and other immoral, illegal and… nope, not fattening, because fattening was not an issue in the '80s, at least, not like it is today.
According to innumerable surveys and our own bathroom mirrors, America is a nation of obese couch potatoes. I do not know how much money was spent on this research, but whatever the amount, it was too much. Even the casual observer cannot help but notice the lines that wind around fast food restaurants almost 24 hours a day, especially when we are one of the people waiting in those lines.
Not only are men bulging at the waistline of their Sansabelt* slacks and women popping the seams of their Apple Bottom** jeans, kids today resemble the Cosby character Fat Albert (1970s) with alarming regularity. Why? As a nation, we have adopted Woollcott's hedonistic philosophy and ignored Mrs. Reagan's sensible guidance. However, the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), located in Washington, D.C., sees the problem differently.
Experts at CSPI claimed that it was not a diet of unhealthy, fat laden food that made kids fat. The Center believed that the toys in a McDonald's Happy Meal were the culprit. In the early 2000s, the CSPI threatened to file a lawsuit against McDonald's, stating that the company "… unfairly and deceptively" promoted its food by luring children with cheap plastic movie-themed promotional items. The organization also targeted DreamWorks and Nestle USA. DreamWorks came under attack for partnering with Snyder’s by displaying characters from the animated feature Madagascar 3 on their packaging. Nestle offered Crunch candy bars sporting the Girl Scouts logo. (I cannot remember ever seeing a severely overweight Girl Scout although their cookies have lined cupboard shelves since 1928.)
The CSPI claiming that advertising aimed at children is unfair is like saying that water is wet, but to claim that McDonald's or any other company’s ad campaigns are deceptive is ridiculous. McDonald’s makes no bones about the fact that they want to sell lots of burgers and fries. Their advertising is in your face blatant. Would you expect anything different from a corporation that runs a worldwide management training center called Hamburger University? As for DreamWorks and Nestle… they are not the guardians of good health. Their sole purpose is to Sell! Sell! Sell!
When these law suits were filed, the CSPI website encouraged parents to write to DreamWorks and Nestle and even offered sample letters with which to express outrage. The DreamWorks letter began this way: “I'm disappointed by the use of Madagascar 3 characters to market nutrition-poor products…” The Nestle letter was similar in wording: “I'm disappointed by Nestlé's decision to market candy bars using the Girl Scouts’ name and logo.”
Experts in the field of child rearing believe that campaigns such as those waged by CSPI are further indications that parents have abdicated their responsibilities, preferring instead to point the finger of blame at corporate America.
In 2010, CSPI's Stephen Gardner advised McDonald's executives that their "... marketing causes them (children) to nag their parents to bring them to McDonald's."
Most parents will tell you with complete assurance that nagging is what kids do best. Moms and dads would be wise to put a stop to the begging and pleading by giving voice to Mrs. Reagan’s wise words and "Just Say No!"
Now, who took my Thin Mint cookies?
*Sansabelt pants ceased production in the early 1990s. Overweight men everywhere mourned. Production began again in 2019.
**Apply Bottom is a fashion brand intended for women with full hips.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
A number of years ago, I volunteered with the Mental Health Association of PBC’s Listen to Children Program. The experience was an eye opener. I quickly realized that many kids were lacking the one essential that would actually sustain them as they grew older. That essential was – and still is - self-esteem.
Self-esteem can be defined as the body armor worn against the challenges of the world. The development of self-esteem begins in infancy and continues throughout our lives. It is an on-going process that requires experiencing both joy and sorrow. For parents, allowing their children to feel that sorrow is the hardest part.
If only self-esteem could be bought in a store or on Amazon. Unfortunately, there are no magic pills or vitamin supplements to hide in our children’s ring dings and chicken fingers. Luckily, a simple solution exists. All we have to do is let kids be kids.
How easy that sounds but how difficult that is to do. All moms and dads know that love is the number one requirement for raising happy, healthy offspring but once we move beyond the obvious, the waters are murky.
The question we need to ask ourselves is not what should we do but, rather, what shouldn’t we do. It is hard not to pick up our children each time they fall down - physically and emotionally. It is hard not to fill their heads with false praise. It is really hard to let them find their own way in the world – bumps and bruises to knees and egos included. The truth is that there will always be someone smarter, stronger, funnier, taller, thinner, more athletic, more agile, prettier, handsomer… No kid is perfect.
We cannot prepare our sons and daughters to face the real world by protecting them from it. Buffering our children from the reality that everyone fails at something some time instills a sense of failure because no one gets through this life without tasting the bitterness of defeat.
When a child is part of a losing endeavor, the time is perfect to talk about the realities of life. Losing allows for a discussion of actual capability versus dreams and desires. Losing is not a bad thing. Losing builds character. Kids are finely tuned to react to the words they hear. We must remember to praise our children not only for a job well done but also for the effort they applied. We must also remember to be truthful.
I remember reading an article on the website Kids Health which provided this very telling observation – “Kids who know their strengths and weaknesses have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They smile more readily and find greater enjoyment in life. Kids with high self-esteem are realistic and optimistic.
By contrast, kids with low self-esteem suffer from anxiety. They are frustrated by even the smallest challenge. Those who think poorly of themselves have difficulty problem solving. They are more inclined to think I can’t every time they are faced with a new situation.”
In 2010, a school in Massachusetts encouraged children in physical education classes to jump rope without the benefit of ropes. The thinking was that no child should feel belittled by tripping or falling. Heaven forbid that they hear the laughter of other children or feel the burn of red-cheeked embarrassment.
Is it any wonder that college students and recent college graduates are seen as unrealistic, egocentric, weak willed, soft hided and ill prepared for what lies ahead of them by experts in human resources? Researchers in the field of child psychology suggest we let our kids feel bad sometimes. They will learn compassion. Let them fail so that when they succeed, they will be filled with a sense of pride they justly deserve.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
People are fond of quoting Karl Marx (without knowing they are quoting him) by saying, “History repeats itself…” I do not believe I have ever heard anyone use the full quote, “History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.” It is the “tragedy” aspect of history repeating that should frighten us the most. There are lessons to be learned from past events but it requires us to remember those events.. to talk about those events… and share the outcome with our children. If we do not, the “history” lesson below will repeat and repeat and repeat.
School is back in session. You might want to speak with your children about the importance of first impressions. Here is why.
According to an article published in Forbes magazine in February 2011, seven seconds are all that are needed for the human brain to react to thousands of stimuli and make the decision whether a person is friend or foe. In that brief span of time, seven non-verbal signs are calculated, disseminated and digested, leaving an impression that can never be erased. No matter what discoveries are made in the ensuing hours, days, months or years, we will forever be defined by the length of time between blinks.
Non-verbal signs are what the eye sees and the brain involuntarily processes. These signs include attitude, posture, facial expression and eye contact. Staring and invading someone’s personal space are perceived as aggressive actions. Negative vibes are also transmitted through clothing and personal grooming. Clothing, tattoos, body piercing, hair color and style can all project an image of danger.
I mention these things because in an article published in the Palm Beach Post on July 15, 2013, Attorney Craig Lawson said that he struggled to find the words to explain to his children how the jury had reached their verdict in the much talked about George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin case. Lawson, who is black, is quoted as saying, “The system doesn’t look at us fairly. There’s nothing new about this.” He advised young African Americans, “You have to be careful out there. You have to be vigilant.” In the photograph provided, Lawson is dressed in a well cut suit, dress shirt and tie. His appearance is totally professional. He is non-threatening.
Mark Twain wrote, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” In today’s society, the wrong clothes can make someone appear to be “bad” even if they are not. Perhaps, Craig Lawson should have included that warning when he spoke to his children, not because they are black but because it is a fact of life. People will judge you first by what they see. You can never take back a first impression.
That is a message all children need to hear especially now with peer pressure being exerted with centrifugal force. I repeated the warning thousands of times to my own children and now continue to repeat it to students in my classes at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Parents need to tell their children that the choices they make can lead to heaven or hell (figuratively and literally). It is not fair, but it is fact.
Although we are told not to judge a book by its cover, the cover is a good gauge of what is inside. When Trayvon Martin was shot, the media saturated the airwaves with pictures taken years earlier. In those photos, Trayvon was an innocent young boy. More recent photographs depicted someone ready and willing to take on all challengers. It is possible that underneath the street wise demeanor, gold grillwork, and punk attire the innocent youth of those early photographs still existed. It is possible that Trayvon Martin wanted to be perceived by his peers as cool and capable but was really a sweet young man. Unfortunately, seven seconds is not long enough for the human brain to consider those possibilities and guilt by association is its own form of condemnation. More than two lives were dramatically changed that day. We all were – or should have been – changed but I doubt the lesson taught was retained much beyond the news cycle.
Human beings are judgmental by design. No matter which side of the Zimmerman/Martin case people were on, they condemned without knowing all the facts because only two people know what really happened and one of them was dead. No one can testify in his/her own defense from the grave. Both Zimmerman and Martin had the same options: Zimmerman to remain in his car and Martin to go into the house. They each made the choice to confront. Once the physical distance between them was closed, regardless of who moved into whose space, needless violence was fated to be the result. Reaction rather than action has become the cause of far too many deaths.
The message that all parents should be instilling in their children – no matter their ethnicity – is that the human eye cannot see your character, your ethics or your moral fiber. The human eye cannot see a loving heart and a giving soul. It cannot see anything but the person we each choose to present to the world. That image can be the difference between success and failure… life and death.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
Soupy Sales (known to his parents as Milton Supman) died 14 years ago this coming October 22nd. His legacy is carried on in the stand up routines of today’s comics. Without the genius of men and women like Soupy, the tear-inducing laughter we enjoy while watching comedians perform their “no holds barred” spiels would be unknown to us.
I always loved Soupy. I loved him more after meeting him one long ago winter day in New York City. I post the story of that meeting every year as a tribute to the man who broke the rules and, in so doing, gave us so much joy.
Two identical yellow silk neckties hang side by side in the far reaches of my closet. One is much shorter than the other, being the appropriate length for a seven-year-old boy to wear. Both were used only once – 39 years ago on the set of a commercial I cannot remember. What I do remember is that Soupy Sales was the star, and my son was his second banana.
Portraying young and old Soupy, the two actors were impeccably dressed in matching navy blue suits, white shirts and beautiful silk ties. I can see them in my mind's eye as though it was yesterday. My son was allowed to keep the suit at the end of the day, but it is the tie -- that yellow silk necktie – which will be forever memorable.
When word came from my son’s manager that he would be working with Soupy Sales, my husband went into a tizzy. Soupy Sales -- the man who was thrown off television more times than Superman leapt tall buildings. In his own way, Soupy Sales jumped just as many hurdles. He opened the door, literally and figuratively, to the “mature audiences only” humor that is prevalent today.
Everyone over the age of 50 has fond memories of The Soupy Sales Show, which began airing nationally on ABC in 1959. To the little urchins, including me, who sat crossed legged on their living room floors, noses pressed against tiny 12 inch black and white television screens, White Fang and Black Tooth were hand puppets that made us laugh. To Soupy Sales, however, they were an integral part of his routine.
In our innocence, the often unscripted dialogue flew over our heads like, well, like Superman. Whereas comic extraordinaire George Carlin is credited with forcing the FCC to acknowledge that people do not really talk like Puritans, Soupy Sales worked his magic in more subtle ways. His show was reality television with intellect.
What Soupy did was push the envelope just enough to nudge censors and advertisers to take a stand -- against him. If you are of retirement age, you will remember the New Year's Day incident of 1965! With parents sleeping off the effects of the night before, kids heard Soupy tell them to tip toe into the master bedroom and take those "funny green pieces of paper with pictures of U.S. Presidents" from their dad's pockets. "Put them in an envelope and mail them to me. I'll send you a postcard from Puerto Rico." And with that, another pie hit him in the face!
Much to Soupy Sales' amusement and the station's embarrassment, kids did as they were told. Soupy announced on the show that he had been joking and that the money would be given to charity. Unfortunately, the outcry from parents forced WNEW to suspend him for a few weeks, which only made him more popular.
Getting back to the commercial, when my husband learned that our son would be working with his childhood idol, there was no keeping him off the set. We arrived on location in Manhattan at the god-awful hour of 6:30 am, which meant we had to leave our home in New Jersey at 5 am. While Michael slept soundly in the back seat of our car, my husband behaved much like a Mexican jumping bean. He could barely contain his excitement.
Filming a commercial is a long, dreary, boring project. Not so this day. Soupy Sales was wonderful to everyone. He spent hours talking with my husband and reminiscing about those early days in broadcasting. He treated our son with a gentleness usually reserved for family members. I was content to watch and listen.
When the day was over, we stopped by Soupy's dressing room to thank him and say, “Goodbye.” He was still in costume and, as he bent to shake our son's hand, he removed his tie and placed it around our son’s neck. "Someday you will be too tall for the tie you have on. Take this one with you and remember me when you wear it."
Two identical yellow silk neckties hang side by side in my closet. Filled with memories, they are too special to wear. Special -- just like Soupy Sales.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
A few years ago, my sister and I were walking through the parking lot of a local CVS store. An elderly woman began to cross the road in front of us. She seemed totally oblivious to the approaching cars, and the drivers of those cars seemed not to notice her. My sister and I both ran to the woman’s side, placing ourselves between her and the oncoming traffic. I shudder to think what would have happened had we not been there.
As a society, we have become increasingly isolated from one another. Covid often gets the blame but distancing began long before a purported pandemic made people fearful of mingling with each other. I remember reading a story in AARP magazine titled All the Lonely People. The article detailed loneliness in America and the statistics were frightening. Over 44 million people are lonely and longing to connect with someone. Even sadder is the fact that they are ashamed of their loneliness and that shame hinders them from meeting and bonding with another person.
You might think that loneliness is most prevalent among the elderly and that race, gender and education levels play a role. Not so. The highest percentage of sufferers is in their 40s and 50s and come from all walks of life. Imagine awakening each morning feeling totally alone in the world. Imagine believing that no one cares whether you live or die.
There is a lot of truth to the expression “alone in a roomful of people.” I remember the first New Year’s Eve more than 50 years ago after my former husband and I parted ways. A cousin hosted a party at her home, which family and friends enjoyed with abandon. Me? I sat on the living room sofa watching but never participating. I was within arm’s reach of touching someone, but I was far away -- lonely -- depressed and growing more so with each passing minute. Midnight signaled escape to a safer place – the dark cave that was my mind.
Safer was a misperception. Loneliness, as experts know, increases the risk of life threatening diseases and Alzheimer’s. The devastation wrought is both physical and emotional. I was lucky to have people around me who saw through the phony smile I wore like a winter coat; a coat that did nothing to keep the cold at bay. Without their support, I shudder to think where I would be today.
As I have grown older, I have considered the probability that my husband will die before I do, but that kind of loneliness is not the same as what is described above. The loneliness referred to in this survey goes deep into the soul, into the very marrow of the bone, and leaves people desolate and empty.
Author, Brad Edmondson, wrote, “Chronic loneliness, experts tell us, is an ever-present, self-perpetuating condition that pushes people away from the relationships that sustain us and make us happy. The chronically lonely are not merely unhappy – they are in danger.”
Yes, loneliness is dangerous but not untreatable. Although recognition as a real and distinct mental health issue has been slow, experts are finally realizing that a need exists. Sessions with a therapist can help alleviate the symptoms and provide the ladder by which people can climb out of loneliness’ deep, dark pit. The climb is steep but not undoable; especially, if someone is reaching down with a helping hand up.
If you see someone you suspect might be lonely or in despair, extend a hand in friendship. Smile. You never know whose life might be improved by the kindness of a stranger.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
I watched last night’s Republican debate with my ears tuned more toward what was not said rather than what was said. The reason… an interesting and somewhat dismaying email I recently received from a long-time acquaintance. While I was not surprised by the email’s content, I was disheartened to know that some people actually condone what was written. The sender, a retired teacher, expressed the sentiment that because everyone lies in their daily lives, we should not concern ourselves that politicians lie. The fact that everyone does it seemed to be a credible excuse which the writer further justified by saying that it was "… the degree…” of the lie that was important.
Usually, I ignore the emails I receive from this individual because they are ludicrous and filled with misconceptions and misinformation. However, this time I was forced to reply by asking him when, as a society, we started excusing unethical behavior based on the severity of a falsehood. I am not talking about sparing someone’s feelings by avoiding a conversation on whether a certain dress or shirt makes them look fat. Lying on issues that could determine life or death is no small matter. I asked the man in question if a lack of principles was what was passing for good behavior in our schools today and whether students were being rewarded not for the strength of their character but merely for not being as bad as the other kids. He did not respond.
As a child challenging authority, I often posed the “… everyone is doing it” rationale to my mother. I vividly remember her asking me, "If everyone jumped off the George Washington Bridge, would you jump as well?" She did not expect me to answer, and I knew that my response, well-reasoned or defiant as it might be, was not the issue. My mother wanted to know if I preferred being a leader or a follower. The inference was, of course, that being a leader was much better because we all know what happens to sheep who follow a wolf in shepherd's clothing.
If everyone doing it has become an acceptable excuse for lying, what is next. Will there be acceptable reasons to rape and murder? Is this the justification for crime policies that allow thugs to loot stores and mug innocent people on the street? As a society, we have developed far too many bad habits over the last few years. Like a tiny thread that when pulled long enough can unravel an entire garment, normalizing destructive behavior can and will unravel the fabric of society that we have held near and dear to our hearts for over 400,000 years.
One last thing... the email writer offered a few examples to back up his views. He said that actors lie in commercials, car salesmen lie to customers, people on dating sites lie to potential mates, job hunters lie on resumes, and so forth. He actually related a story he had read in a medical journal about a medical school applicant who told the interviewer that he wanted to be a doctor so that he could be rich, own a big house, have servants, buy fancy cars and travel the world. The interviewer praised him by saying that other applicants who had expressed a need to offer care to the sick and the poor were insincere. He seemed to feel that this young man was a breath of fresh air.
I am not sure which bothers me more -- the idea that someone goes into medicine only to be rich (sadly, a concept that has now become a truth), the interviewer thinking that actually admitting to such a desire is praiseworthy or the notion that people really caring about each other is a total fabrication.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
The devastation of rape has been lost to political rhetoric. “Rape culture” is one of the most overused but highly effective catch phrases of the last few decades. The term implies that rape can be linked to social practices and attitudes which excuse and tolerate anatomy specific assault (ASA)*. The subliminal message is that all men are rapists.
Fear is a great marketing tool. Since most people never question the so-called facts that are fed them via television, the internet and multi-media sources, they are inclined to believe academics and other assorted “experts” who have never been on the receiving end of rape. As a result, ASA is no longer a crime we need to eliminate but rather a rallying cry for those seeking political favor. Much like questions surrounding whether Big Pharma really wants to cure life threatening diseases, you must question whether politicians and certain advocacy groups want to make rape a crime of the past. When money and votes are at stake, where is the incentive to finding solutions?
In a 2014 New York Times editorial, journalist Ross Douthat wrote “… we’re searching ineffectively for better after-the-fact responses because we aren’t willing to deal with some of the root causes or upset the underlying legal and cultural status quo.”
My interpretation of that statement is that it takes two… two people, regardless of gender, acting sensibly… two people being respectful of each other… two people who understand that they are each responsible for their own actions and the outcome of those actions.
In a perfect world, women would have the same freedoms as men but that world has yet to be discovered. We are not equal to men when it comes to protecting ourselves. We are vulnerable. We must teach our daughters to take responsibility for their own safety. That includes not drinking to oblivion at parties or in nightclubs no matter how much fun it might appear to be or the amount of peer pressure exerted.
Douthat suggested that blackout drinking, which is often implicated in college rape scenarios, would be less of a problem if the legal drinking age was lowered from 21 to 18. While I agree we should lower the drinking age, my reason is not because I think this is a cure-all for binge drinking. If a person is old enough to vote and put their life on the line while serving in the military, they should be able to drink alcoholic beverages. From that perspective, the present law does not make sense.
That being said, getting drunk is not the result of being forced to buy beer while flashing a fake driver’s license. It has to do with not being able to set limits on one’s own behavior. Responsible drinking means accepting that your life may depend on staying aware of who and what is around you.
Jonathan Zimmerman, a history and education teacher at New York University, wrote an editorial titled “Hookup culture contributes to unwanted sex” which was published in the Los Angeles Times on May 7, 2014. To say it was confusing is an understatement. “Hookup culture” and “rape culture” are identical twins in the game of political volleyball.
Zimmerman began by stating that a 2013 study by author/educator Donna Freitas proved that sexually active college students were intent on avoiding intimacy and that drinking to excess allowed them to separate mind from body during intercourse with a person/persons known or unknown. If we take the few quotes he presented to back up his theory as representation of a larger survey, it would appear his statement is true.
However, rather than presenting additional facts, he segued into this quote by now President Joe Biden. “Colleges and universities can no longer turn a blind eye or pretend rape and sexual assault don’t occur on their campuses. We need to provide survivors with more support and we need to bring perpetrators to justice.”
President Biden was correct but I have no clue as to why Zimmerman included it in his “hookup culture” editorial. Casual sex is not rape. Rape is an assault… a violent crime akin to all violent crimes.
Judging by his final words, I have to assume that Zimmerman believes providing students with a “different model for sex,” one based on human intimacy, will lessen the incidence of ASA on campus. He could not be more wrong. There is a distinct difference between two people too drunk to know what they are doing and a woman being raped.
I am reminded of the line from King Kong, “Oh, no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast.” In much the same way, liquor does not a rapist make. They are born, not formed by external forces, and nothing… not behavioral modification, chemical castration, religion, or “a different model for sex” - can change that.
One of the reasons why female college students do not report assaults as rape is because the conditions under which the assaults happened could not be clearly defined. Douthat suggested that colleges return to the days of supervised living in both single sex and co-ed dorms. It should be so easy. No matter how many rules are enacted, if students do not recognize and understand the consequences of their actions, nothing will change.
On June 7, 2014, Washington Post columnist George Will published a column titled, “Colleges become the victims of progressivism,” in which he questioned the accuracy of campus rape statistics as presented in a White House report on ASA. Will felt that then Vice President Biden’s comment, “We know the numbers: one in five of every one of those young women who is dropped off for that first day of school, … will be assaulted in her college years,” was intentionally meant to bolster support through propagandizing the rape culture and hookup culture mentality. He was not wrong, but expressing his views in our Venus Fly Trap nation was political b.s. The actual number of assaults: not one in five but one in seven.
One in five! One in seven! One in a hundred! One in a million! One… one single rape of one woman or man is unacceptable no matter how, when or where. What good does it serve to talk about rape statistics without considering the circumstances under which those rapes and attempted rapes occurred. The victim is never at fault, but… and this is the “but” that feminists do not want society to hear… rape would occur less often if people took responsibility for their own safety.
In writing for the Kansas City Star, Journalist Mary Sanchez said, “If we want to do something about sexual assault on college campuses, first we have to deal with the excuse makers.” I agree with that statement but not for the reasons one might suspect. We most definitely need to hold “excuse makers” accountable, including the two people involved in the assault. Sanchez herself made excuses by saying that when she arrived for her first year of college, she was unprepared for the effects excessive drinking would have on her diminutive frame. I do not know Ms. Sanchez’s age. Maybe, when she was going to college, girls were less aware of the dangers of binge drinking; today, no one is that ignorant. This is where shared accountability comes into play. No one should be punished for being stupid, but when I think of all the girls who could have been spared the trauma of rape had they just used the smarts that got them into college in the first place, well…
The idea that preaching “shame on you” to rapists or talking to them about the importance of intimacy in a relationship will change them is laughable. Shame requires a conscience and the ability to feel empathy. Predators have neither. Are there rapists in college? Absolutely! Is every male who has sex with a female while under the effect of alcohol a rapist… no. Rape is a conscious act.
No one and nothing can protect us from danger as well as we can do it ourselves. Casual sex is not a guarantee of being raped. Drinking to oblivion, however, can result in the same outcome as lying on the railroad tracks as the warning bells are clanging and the crossing gates are lowering.
Mottos and slogans cannot save your life, but here is one that might detour you out of harm’s way: “Think before you drink.” Here is an even better one… “Just think!” And do not expect someone else to protect you. That is a job we must each do for ourselves.
NOTE:
*Anatomy Specific Assault (ASA) is my preferred term for what most people call sexual assault. Until we recognize that rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with violent crime… until we remove the shame that calling rape a “sex crime” implies, we will never lower the incidence of assault.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
Surf the net… search Facebook and Google… networking groups of every size meet weekly in towns and cities across the country. Most of them start out with good attendance numbers. The members are filled with excitement as they share a table and a cup of coffee with other people seeking recognition for themselves and their businesses. While they wait to make their 45 second promotional pitch, they scan the room to see if “competition” lurks nearby.
If thought bubbles floating above heads were visible to the naked eye, you would see that each person is thinking the same hopeful thoughts… “If even half these people support my business, my company will be able to grow and prosper.”
The anticipation of possibilities continues for a few weeks – maybe, a few months – as people get to know each other. In conversation, you express interest in each other’s goals. You like these people because, well, like you, they are nice. You understand that they want to succeed and, also like you, they believe they have a beneficial product or service to offer. AND, they do! But…
After a while, you realize that no one is really listening to your pitch. Their interest is mandatory… a part of the dues they pay to pitch themselves. Standing at the microphone, you, the speaker, can see the eyes focused on you. You hear the applause when you finish speaking. People reach out and shake your hand as you return to your seat. YOU DID A GREAT JOB!
The problem is that the people listening to your sales pitch have heard you say the same words week after week. They really are not interested, and so, they have become tone deaf. Their vision is blurred when they look at you. Once the meeting is over and the coffee cups have been deposited in the trash cans, no one remembers your name let alone what you said. They are only focused on themselves.
Networking groups fail because the moderators do not understand… they do not explain to the members… that the most effective networking is based on the barter system. “You scratch my back, I scratch yours” should be the motto of every business person who recognizes that success depends on both what you can do for me and what I can do for you.
Instead of making “I” the center of your sales pitch, change your mindset to “You.” Rather than, “I can give you…” think in terms of “You will benefit because…” When your audience feels there is something for them in an association with you, they will take their fingers out of their ears.
How simple that sounds, but in reality, the fingers in the ears issue is quite real. To be successful, you must offer “something” that will benefit listeners without costing them money. That is where the barter system comes into play.
In recent months, attendance at my theater has grown. Why? I have reestablished a number of policies that withered during covid. Example: buying tickets to some of our productions includes receiving a complimentary glass of wine when you arrive. The cast often mingles with the audience pre-show, which gives those audience members a feeling of inclusion. For some shows, we offer a dinner and a show package with the wonderful restaurant located just 10 steps from our front door.
We also offer an opportunity to market your business by placing an ad (business card) in our show programs. There is no charge for this service. All we ask in return is that you place one of our flyers in your store window, on a counter near the register or on a coffee table in your waiting room. This affords you the opportunity to reach as many as 300 people without spending a penny. Not even the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz would need to scratch his head to see the merit in this method of marketing.
Joining a networking group is not free. Annual memberships vary from $20 to over $100. The weekly meeting cost can be as little as $5.00. Monthly luncheons cost $35.00 and up. Evening socials can be gratis to exorbitant. If money is not an issue and you just want to “be friends,” a networking group could be a step to enlarging your data base. If you are a serious business person… look before you leap.
Feasibility of success from joining: No brainer… if the group understands how the barter system works. If not, the coffee will be good but it will not be worth your time or the cost.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
Having been employed in the entertainment industry since 2008, I have seen many changes to the way people decide on and then fulfill a desire to attend a movie or live performance. Since covid, I have become acutely aware of changes in said processes, many of which have been detrimental to both movie theaters and live production venues.
Live theater producers are especially susceptible to the current wait until the last minute mindset which potential audience members have embraced. While it may be fine for an individual to make plans anywhere from 24 hours to an hour become showtime, it is NOT “fine” for the venue operator. If by the day before a show only a minimal number of tickets have been sold, we are inclined to cancel that production. We cannot pay thousands of dollars in utility bills on a few hundred dollars in sales. It is better to go dark and save on electricity, water and staff costs.
Every day, I receive notices of long standing, well-respected theaters closing their doors. The theaters have not stopped producing quality entertainment. They have not raised their prices to exorbitant amounts. The only thing that has changed is the respect – or rather the lack of respect - for the producers and performers who have worked hard to bring entertainment to the stage
Most venues begin marketing from a year to a few months before a show opens. Tickets go on sale long before opening night. No matter how many colorful posters and flyers are printed… no matter how many emails are sent, no matter how many ads are placed in hard copy press, no matter which pages on social media carry glowing reviews … it is not until a few days to a few hours before the curtain goes up that people call for tickets.
I have grown frustrated with the last minute callers who are shocked when told that a show has been canceled or, even more so, when they are told the show is sold out. “Sold out? How did that happen?” I am literally forced to bite my tongue to keep from uttering a sarcastic answer that would give me immediate satisfaction but would harm my business in the long term.
The last minute decisions makers probably use the same methodology when they receive a dinner or wedding invitation. They are probably the same people who arrive at church, a school function, a sporting event, et al. 15 minutes to a half hour late. They are either unaware or more likely do not care that they are inconveniencing those already seated. They are immune to the disruption they cause when walking in front of a stage or screen thereby blocking other people’s view.
Our country is in turmoil. People need an escape from the pressures of a failing economy and unsafe streets. Relaxation and relief can be found, at least for an hour or two, inside a dark theater where the burden of worry is lifted as we are transported to another place and time. If you are a theater goer, please be aware that in order to provide you with worthwhile entertainment, producers, directors, actors and actresses need you to appreciate their efforts by ordering tickets weeks in advance and arriving at least 15 minutes before showtime. That is the only way we can guarantee that no more theater doors will be slammed shut and locked… permanently
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
The time has come to shake the cobwebs out of our brains and recognize that neither party is going to solve gun violence, immigration, crime, accusations of racism, or corporate/bank fraud. Add rape and abortion to that list and you have the most perfect mind-numbing media blitz ever created.
These topics are the political ping pong balls which are batted back and forth across the net (aisle) each election cycle. They are meant to keep citizens at each other’s throats and to confuse us with intentionally misleading and inaccurate information. Why? Because if we were ever to fully understand the power we would have by joining forces, there would be no one left in local, state and federal government. A massive broom and shovel would be needed to remove all the garbage meant for the trash heap.
Let’s gobble like a turkey for a few minutes… crime cannot be “solved.” Crime can be contained or curtailed but it can never be eradicated. The reason has nothing to do with guns. The reason is that we humans are the worst kind of animal. We kill for no reason.
In 2020, 39.7 million background checks on firearms’ purchasers were performed, resulting in 23 million firearm sales and the arrest of 2,000 illegal gun dealers. Forty three percent (43%) of criminals with convictions had purchased weapons illegally. A large number of firearms being sold in the U.S. are being sold in back alleys (metaphor).
Immigration, the requirements for which could have and should have been rewritten decades ago, is an effective cudgel with which to beat voters into a frenzy prior to an election. Crimes against women, which include rape, are mutant octopuses with an inordinate number of tentacles. No politician has ever spoken the truth about rape because if women knew the truth – both in terms of the attack and what to do should you survive – there would be no reason to include rape in discussions of abortion.
Rape is near and dear to my heart. Both my daughter and I have been traumatized by the crime. I could write… I have written… column after column on the subject, but you will rarely see my work in print. Destigmatizing rape does not sell newspapers nor does it boost votes during the November election cycles. When it comes to politics, rape and abortion are conjoined twins. The “crimes” cannot be legislated separately without diminishing the power… the fear… they hold over uninformed women.
We are one spark away from an inferno and nobody in government or the media has the courage or the desire to toss a bucket of water on the flames.
The media has only one agenda… to make as much money for their advertisers as possible. Not one television station’s anchors tells the whole truth. In fact, you should not concern yourself with what is being said. You should spend time thinking about what is not being said. Remember that money talks and everyone has a price at which they will sell their integrity. News reporters are an example of shills in action. Every morning, noon and night, they play the shell game. “Pick a shell. Any shell. Where do you think the truth is hidden?”
If you fall for the scam and choose a shell – in other words, if you believe what you are being told - you will lose. The shells are empty. The truth, whatever that may be, is hidden in legislation that, when printed, will cause a hernia in even the strongest individuals. The truth weighs nothing, but lies… lies can and will choke you to death.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
As a woman who once had to decide whether or not to terminate a pregnancy, I am always amazed at the short sightedness of our legislators when discussing this issue. If the rights of the unborn are truly at the heart of their objections, their focus should be on pre-conception. I realize that this statement appears simplistic on the surface and implementation of such a plan would be costly, but we already spend a fortune on social programs so why not one that actually could improve the quality of people’s lives.
Two months into my pregnancy with my now 42-year-old daughter, I began having complications. My doctor could find no reason for the bleeding and cramping I was experiencing. Everything seemed normal but, obviously, it was not. She strongly advised having an abortion, and she put me on bed rest until I made a decision.
My husband and I returned home and had a good cry. We already had one child and we did not want to risk my health or our son losing his mother. However, we did not want to lose the child in my womb either. My husband left the decision to me, and I chose to see the pregnancy through. Today, we have not only a beautiful daughter; we also have a wonderful grandson and granddaughter.
Now, to further explain my investment in this topic, said beautiful daughter was the victim of a brutal rape 15 years ago. Her survival is a miracle. We, as a family, learned a lot from the experience and one of the most important things we learned was that a system is in place to help assault survivors if they notify the police. Far too many women do not report being raped because their faith and their culture would hold them responsible. That has to stop. God has no place in violent crime unless it is to rain fire and brimstone upon the perpetrator.
Every rape needs to be reported to the police.* The victim will be transported to the hospital where medical precautions will be taken to ensure that a pregnancy does not result and that the woman does not contract HIV and/or other serious diseases should her attacker be infected. Most counties/cities provide mental health therapy through an Office of Victim Services to help women deal with the trauma of assault. So… call the police, report the crime, go to the hospital, avoid abortion, and begin the process of putting the miserable SOB in jail… hopefully, for life.
* Calling the police can be a difficult decision for some women. With that in mind, we must praise those who are determined to bring their attackers to justice. Only then will we turn being victimized into being victorious and reduce the number of attacks. The more women who speak out, the more who will be empowered to do so.
As a side note – I deplore the term sexual assault. It encourages the misconception that rape is about sex which brings us back to God, religion and the shame factor. Why not use anatomy specific assault – an appropriate description if ever there was one.
To remove the stigma of shame from an assault, we have to remove moral superiority from the equation. There are no saints in this world. Whether someone is preaching from the pulpit, the dais, or a soap box on a street corner, if they are not speaking realistically about human sexuality, tune them out. Sex before marriage is not wrong. Promiscuous sex at any time in your life is dangerous and, sometimes, deadly.
Implementing a pre-conception solution to abortion is a multi-tiered program. First, free or low cost birth control must be available to all men and women no matter their economic status. This would include containers of free condoms on every checkout counter in every store. Oral birth control would be available either free or at an affordable cost, said price to be determined by income or lack of it. The morning after pill (Plan B) could be bought for $5.00 not $50.00 – no questions asked. Considering how readily we talk about erectile dysfunction and irritable bowel problems on television, it would be wise to start educating the public on the use of both birth control and Plan B on a nightly basis. Yes, I know that there are clinics that provide free birth control. We need to make condoms easier to get… supermarkets, gas stations, the post office… everywhere.
I also realize that there will be people who, even if condoms were to magically appear in their pockets and pocketbooks or on their bedside table every night, would not use them. Human beings are often their own worst enemy.
In order for this program to work, we need to begin educating children and adults on human sexuality. Abstinence is never going to catch on as the next big fad so we need to speak openly and honestly with our children about how their lives will change – not for the better – if they act first and regret later. That does not mean we fill them with fear of punishment in the hereafter or demean them in the present. Facing a lifetime of working in McDonald’s should be enough of a deterrent against unprotected sex.
I believe the biggest change that needs to be made is to how we use the term abortion. Thanks to the superficially motivated, the word carries a connotation so ugly that women are afraid to talk about the procedure. The image is of a woman so over-sexed and driven by hormones that she cannot resist any available male. Should the result of her lapse in judgement result in a baby… well, the word “kill” comes to mind.
When it comes to incest or the health of the mother and/or fetus, a new category – Medical Priority Terminations (MPT) – needs to be put in place. MPTs would be covered by insurance just as any other surgical procedure would be. I included incest in this list because unlike rape, there is a great deal of fear associated with incest. For a child… for a young adult… to accuse a family member of such a heinous crime is almost as bad as the crime itself. Retribution can be swift and deadly.
That leaves us with abortions performed for a variety of acceptable reasons… reasons which many people other than the person facing a life changing experience… find unconscionable. These include unwanted pregnancies which result from the failure of a chosen method of birth control to the inability to afford a child and domestic abuse issues. No one should have to explain the “why.” Abortion or MPT is a personal matter to be shared only with a spouse (by choice) and a doctor. As for suggested waiting period – every woman seeking an abortion has already spent that amount of time and more thinking prior to seeing a physician.
Whatever the reason a woman considers an abortion, our goal should be to eventually make that decision unnecessary. We start by talking to our children. We remove the stigma of shame that is always associated with premarital sex and rape/incest, which means taking God out of the conversation. We provide free or low/cost birth control and Plan B everywhere. We take politicians (especially those espousing their personal religious beliefs) out of our bedrooms and our private lives. In time, as the numbers decline, abortion (and rape) will no longer be a rallying cry for votes during an election year.
By the way, I never wanted to see Roe versus Wade overturned. The thought of returning to the days of Hatpin Dolly scare the crap out of me. That being said, the bill needed to be revisited and revised. Except in the most extreme situations, late term abortions (any abortion - other than medical priority - performed after 13 weeks to me is late term) should be illegal. Few people are brave enough to use the word “murder,” but these babies are not ants we are stepping on in the driveway of our homes.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
How is it possible that so many people are beyond unhappy with their birth gender? Is it possible that “who” we are has been affected – perhaps, infected – by some outside source? Is transgender the result of nurture or nature? Has the overuse of prescription drugs in children, particularly steroids, caused mental and emotional confusion about what was once a “given.”
Before anything else is known… before an Apgar test is performed… even before the umbilical cord is cut, our gender is on display for all to see. Male or female. Mom and dad are told, “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl.” Could it be that the use of the pronoun “It” is the source of confusion? Have we failed to humanize a child from that moment when they take their first breath outside the womb?
There are no easy answers to why so many people want to change their biological identity. From all my years writing an opinion column, I know that being heterosexual or homosexual has nothing to do with choice. Something in the physiological makeup of the human genome decides that for us. We all have male and female chromosomes. All people are a mix of both genders. When the balance leans more one way than another, confusion can occur. Mostly, that confusion is the result of societal norms, which thankfully have been shattered in recent decades. A person’s sexual orientation has nothing to do with their strength of character. It has nothing to do with their “heart,” that part of them which makes them a valuable member of society. To think otherwise is a sign of ignorance.
I do not want to minimize the importance of the transgender issues, but I cannot stop thinking back to my childhood. My mother was never happy with her physical appearance. Long before cosmetic surgery became as common as pulling a tooth... long before over-the-counter products sold the idea of perpetual youth, she found ways to change what she did not like about herself.
My mom had wigs for every day of the week and every occasion. She used fake fingernails years before they were available in salons, crafting them from powders and gels which she mixed at our kitchen table with the confidence of a cosmetic chemist. She wore body-enhancing undergarments long before Victoria revealed her Secret to the world.
While the result of all these external changes made her happy for a few hours every day, they were temporary. Every night, whatever wig she was wearing was returned to a mannequin’s head, the hips and breasts that had been contained by boning, wiring and stretchable fabric sagged, and the face that had been augmented by layers of tinted lotions and oils returned to its natural state. No matter what we do to ourselves on the outside, on the inside we are who we were born. No amount of surgery… no amount of enhancement drugs can change our biological identity.
No matter the issue facing society today – rape, abortion, gun control, drag shows, gender identity – my biggest concern is the lack of truthful information given to the public by the government, the news media, even physicians who no longer adhere to the Hippocratic Oath. “Do no harm” has become “Do whatever is needed to make money.”
Why is it that no one talks about the number of suicides among transgender individuals? That number is rising daily. Why does no one talk about the diseases… the pain and suffering… that transgender people can face because the human body is not a giant erector set which can be reconfigured on a whim? Where are the psychiatrists and therapists who treat transgender people and know that roughly 32% to 50% of transgenders attempt suicide? Why are doctors not talking about the fact that transgender people are at increased risk for certain types of chronic diseases, cancers, and mental health problems? Does not quality of life have as much (more) importance than the pursuit of something that never can be?
As for the question raised by Dr. Phil: “Are Women Being Erased?” Yes, and it is our own fault. We fought to be recognized for our brains and not our bodies and, somehow, we have stopped using our thought processes. It began subtly when we accepted without question so-called gender neutral terms which were actually male centric. Suddenly, everyone is an actor. Nope. Not in my theater. We are actors and actresses and proud of the role we play in bringing quality productions to our stage. I do not recognize words like “server,” or “mailperson,” or “chairperson.” I am proud to be a woman. I am proud of what I and all others of my gender have accomplished. We are not successful in spite of being female; we are successful because we are female. If we forget who we are we are doomed to return to the second class status we held for far too long.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
On April 19, 2015 I had the privilege of presenting my play, Shell of a Man, at The Black Academy of Arts and Letters (TBAAL) in Dallas, Texas, where it was received with overwhelming support. This is the true story of a Vietnam veteran who has been fighting a battle with PTSD for 40 plus years. The play was developed over five years of interviews with the main character and most of the dialogue comes directly from his lips. The fact that the veteran is black gives depth and texture to his struggles but is not a defining plot point. Although Shell of a Man focuses on the life of one person, it is actually the story of many men who were raised in the South and/or have served in the military.
Hoping to get a professional critique, I sent the script to a dramaturg in New York. I paid for his review – something I will never do again. What he wrote set off a chain reaction that, nearly a year later, is still being discussed in my writers’ circles.
“NOTHING about Robert Logan (main character) suggests that he’s black. It’s not his views that’s the problem. It’s the way he talks.”
This supposedly savvy critic was not referring to accents/dialects since those can only be imagined when reading. However, his preconceived notions about a southern black man influenced how he thought Robert should sound and, in his opinion, Robert was too smart.
Intellectual prejudice – preconceived notions of intelligence based on geography and race -- is nothing new. In his autobiographical Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass (1841), Douglass, a brilliant orator and former slave, recounted how he was recruited as a speaker for William Lloyd Garrison’s Anti-Slavery Office. However, the position did not last long as Garrison thought Douglass did not talk “plantation” enough to be credible to a northern audience. Douglass’ massive effort of self-education rendered him too eloquent a speaker for anyone to believe he had been a brutalized slave.
I presented this question to other writers: “How does a black man talk?” The responses were many and varied and, definitely, eye opening. Many respondents failed to make the distinction between speech patterns and vocabulary. A few asked “Why would someone like you…” (a white woman) “… write about someone like him” (a black man). When I replied that to me Robert is not a black man; he is a man who happens to be black, some people took offense. I was criticized for not making race a priority in my relationship with him. It needs to be said that the only critical people were white, and they were most offended by me saying that I am color-blind.
My color blindness has nothing to do with eyesight. I can see a person first as a human being and still be aware of his/her ethnicity. I was raised in an inner city neighborhood in New Jersey long before words like multi-cultural and diversity became catch phrases for a generation. The family living across the street was black and each of the 10 children were my playmates. A few houses away lived the Setons. Mr. Seton was white. Mrs. Seton was black. No one ever noticed. Those of us who shared the streets – Irish, Italian, French, English, German, black and white, Christian and Jew – were just people. More importantly, we were friends.
If we focus too much on our differences, we will lose sight of our sameness. Being color blind in the way I treat people is an asset. The liability would be in thinking that color blindness makes me somehow special. Even worse would be focusing so much on color that I forget to see the person under the skin.
There is no amount of research that can adequately inform one race/ethnicity on the issues relating to another. It matters not whether you have lived in the south all of your life or if you are in a bi-racial relationship or if you have “lots of black friends”—a popular qualifying statement. If someone has not lived the life, they just cannot fully know or understand the battles being fought.
This is the same discussion I have with my writing students about rape. I encourage them not to use that scenario in their stories because what they write are media images not actual events. They are inclined to re-create the physical aspects, which are never accurate and are often less important than the emotional aspects. My daughter, a rape survivor, tells audiences that the only time she was not afraid was while she was being assaulted. She knew what was happening then and used that time to plan her escape. It was the before and after that terrified her. Unless you have been on the receiving end of violence, you cannot understand that concept.
So it is with race. I will never know what it was/is like to be black. I am grateful that I had Robert to guide me while writing Shell of a Man. It is not my voice being heard in the dialogue. It is his voice. I take no credit for capturing “authenticity” but I, obviously, did since so many in the audience at TBAAL and at subsequent productions asked how it was I knew what they had experienced.
For me, the biggest mistake is for an author (or anyone) to think they know what it is like to be someone else. No amount of time or intimacy can put one person in another person’s shoes. I also feel it is a great mistake to make a person’s ethnicity more important than their humanity. Writers need to be especially careful not to let their personal prejudices influence the stories they tell. The entire human race would be wise to follow suit.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com
