A few years ago, my sister and I were walking through the parking lot of a local CVS store. An elderly woman began to cross the road in front of us. She seemed totally oblivious to the approaching cars, and the drivers of those cars seemed not to notice her. My sister and I both ran to the woman’s side, placing ourselves between her and the oncoming traffic. I shudder to think what would have happened had we not been there.
As a society, we have become increasingly isolated from one another. Covid often gets the blame but distancing began long before a purported pandemic made people fearful of mingling with each other. I remember reading a story in AARP magazine titled All the Lonely People. The article detailed loneliness in America and the statistics were frightening. Over 44 million people are lonely and longing to connect with someone. Even sadder is the fact that they are ashamed of their loneliness and that shame hinders them from meeting and bonding with another person.
You might think that loneliness is most prevalent among the elderly and that race, gender and education levels play a role. Not so. The highest percentage of sufferers is in their 40s and 50s and come from all walks of life. Imagine awakening each morning feeling totally alone in the world. Imagine believing that no one cares whether you live or die.
There is a lot of truth to the expression “alone in a roomful of people.” I remember the first New Year’s Eve more than 50 years ago after my former husband and I parted ways. A cousin hosted a party at her home, which family and friends enjoyed with abandon. Me? I sat on the living room sofa watching but never participating. I was within arm’s reach of touching someone, but I was far away -- lonely -- depressed and growing more so with each passing minute. Midnight signaled escape to a safer place – the dark cave that was my mind.
Safer was a misperception. Loneliness, as experts know, increases the risk of life threatening diseases and Alzheimer’s. The devastation wrought is both physical and emotional. I was lucky to have people around me who saw through the phony smile I wore like a winter coat; a coat that did nothing to keep the cold at bay. Without their support, I shudder to think where I would be today.
As I have grown older, I have considered the probability that my husband will die before I do, but that kind of loneliness is not the same as what is described above. The loneliness referred to in this survey goes deep into the soul, into the very marrow of the bone, and leaves people desolate and empty.
Author, Brad Edmondson, wrote, “Chronic loneliness, experts tell us, is an ever-present, self-perpetuating condition that pushes people away from the relationships that sustain us and make us happy. The chronically lonely are not merely unhappy – they are in danger.”
Yes, loneliness is dangerous but not untreatable. Although recognition as a real and distinct mental health issue has been slow, experts are finally realizing that a need exists. Sessions with a therapist can help alleviate the symptoms and provide the ladder by which people can climb out of loneliness’ deep, dark pit. The climb is steep but not undoable; especially, if someone is reaching down with a helping hand up.
If you see someone you suspect might be lonely or in despair, extend a hand in friendship. Smile. You never know whose life might be improved by the kindness of a stranger.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com