As a woman who once had to decide whether or not to terminate a pregnancy, I am always amazed at the short sightedness of our legislators when discussing this issue. If the rights of the unborn are truly at the heart of their objections, their focus should be on pre-conception. I realize that this statement appears simplistic on the surface and implementation of such a plan would be costly, but we already spend a fortune on social programs so why not one that actually could improve the quality of people’s lives.
Two months into my pregnancy with my now 42-year-old daughter, I began having complications. My doctor could find no reason for the bleeding and cramping I was experiencing. Everything seemed normal but, obviously, it was not. She strongly advised having an abortion, and she put me on bed rest until I made a decision.
My husband and I returned home and had a good cry. We already had one child and we did not want to risk my health or our son losing his mother. However, we did not want to lose the child in my womb either. My husband left the decision to me, and I chose to see the pregnancy through. Today, we have not only a beautiful daughter; we also have a wonderful grandson and granddaughter.
Now, to further explain my investment in this topic, said beautiful daughter was the victim of a brutal rape 15 years ago. Her survival is a miracle. We, as a family, learned a lot from the experience and one of the most important things we learned was that a system is in place to help assault survivors if they notify the police. Far too many women do not report being raped because their faith and their culture would hold them responsible. That has to stop. God has no place in violent crime unless it is to rain fire and brimstone upon the perpetrator.
Every rape needs to be reported to the police.* The victim will be transported to the hospital where medical precautions will be taken to ensure that a pregnancy does not result and that the woman does not contract HIV and/or other serious diseases should her attacker be infected. Most counties/cities provide mental health therapy through an Office of Victim Services to help women deal with the trauma of assault. So… call the police, report the crime, go to the hospital, avoid abortion, and begin the process of putting the miserable SOB in jail… hopefully, for life.
* Calling the police can be a difficult decision for some women. With that in mind, we must praise those who are determined to bring their attackers to justice. Only then will we turn being victimized into being victorious and reduce the number of attacks. The more women who speak out, the more who will be empowered to do so.
As a side note – I deplore the term sexual assault. It encourages the misconception that rape is about sex which brings us back to God, religion and the shame factor. Why not use anatomy specific assault – an appropriate description if ever there was one.
To remove the stigma of shame from an assault, we have to remove moral superiority from the equation. There are no saints in this world. Whether someone is preaching from the pulpit, the dais, or a soap box on a street corner, if they are not speaking realistically about human sexuality, tune them out. Sex before marriage is not wrong. Promiscuous sex at any time in your life is dangerous and, sometimes, deadly.
Implementing a pre-conception solution to abortion is a multi-tiered program. First, free or low cost birth control must be available to all men and women no matter their economic status. This would include containers of free condoms on every checkout counter in every store. Oral birth control would be available either free or at an affordable cost, said price to be determined by income or lack of it. The morning after pill (Plan B) could be bought for $5.00 not $50.00 – no questions asked. Considering how readily we talk about erectile dysfunction and irritable bowel problems on television, it would be wise to start educating the public on the use of both birth control and Plan B on a nightly basis. Yes, I know that there are clinics that provide free birth control. We need to make condoms easier to get… supermarkets, gas stations, the post office… everywhere.
I also realize that there will be people who, even if condoms were to magically appear in their pockets and pocketbooks or on their bedside table every night, would not use them. Human beings are often their own worst enemy.
In order for this program to work, we need to begin educating children and adults on human sexuality. Abstinence is never going to catch on as the next big fad so we need to speak openly and honestly with our children about how their lives will change – not for the better – if they act first and regret later. That does not mean we fill them with fear of punishment in the hereafter or demean them in the present. Facing a lifetime of working in McDonald’s should be enough of a deterrent against unprotected sex.
I believe the biggest change that needs to be made is to how we use the term abortion. Thanks to the superficially motivated, the word carries a connotation so ugly that women are afraid to talk about the procedure. The image is of a woman so over-sexed and driven by hormones that she cannot resist any available male. Should the result of her lapse in judgement result in a baby… well, the word “kill” comes to mind.
When it comes to incest or the health of the mother and/or fetus, a new category – Medical Priority Terminations (MPT) – needs to be put in place. MPTs would be covered by insurance just as any other surgical procedure would be. I included incest in this list because unlike rape, there is a great deal of fear associated with incest. For a child… for a young adult… to accuse a family member of such a heinous crime is almost as bad as the crime itself. Retribution can be swift and deadly.
That leaves us with abortions performed for a variety of acceptable reasons… reasons which many people other than the person facing a life changing experience… find unconscionable. These include unwanted pregnancies which result from the failure of a chosen method of birth control to the inability to afford a child and domestic abuse issues. No one should have to explain the “why.” Abortion or MPT is a personal matter to be shared only with a spouse (by choice) and a doctor. As for suggested waiting period – every woman seeking an abortion has already spent that amount of time and more thinking prior to seeing a physician.
Whatever the reason a woman considers an abortion, our goal should be to eventually make that decision unnecessary. We start by talking to our children. We remove the stigma of shame that is always associated with premarital sex and rape/incest, which means taking God out of the conversation. We provide free or low/cost birth control and Plan B everywhere. We take politicians (especially those espousing their personal religious beliefs) out of our bedrooms and our private lives. In time, as the numbers decline, abortion (and rape) will no longer be a rallying cry for votes during an election year.
By the way, I never wanted to see Roe versus Wade overturned. The thought of returning to the days of Hatpin Dolly scare the crap out of me. That being said, the bill needed to be revisited and revised. Except in the most extreme situations, late term abortions (any abortion - other than medical priority - performed after 13 weeks to me is late term) should be illegal. Few people are brave enough to use the word “murder,” but these babies are not ants we are stepping on in the driveway of our homes.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com