In this topsy turvy world, young girls are in danger of being lost to an agenda that is not healthy no matter which side of the issue you support. We must encourage the youngest among us to be true to themselves.
I have a seven-year-old granddaughter who is best described as a firecracker. She knows her own mind and is not afraid to stand up for her beliefs. Having an older brother, she has learned to be the aggressor when roadblocks in any form are erected in her path. Some people might call her “bossy.” I would not be one of them.
Webster’s Dictionary defines bossy as fond of ordering people around. Other definitions include masterful, self-assertive, self-assured, confident, strong and possessing leadership qualities. So far, I do not find any problem with the word. However, the application of the word is gender specific. Women “order people around.” Men are “confident, strong and possess leadership qualities.” Far too often, the term bossy is associated with the other “B” word… the one that only applies to women. I have learned to accept that word as a badge of honor.
In 2014, there was a movement to tame the language used to describe assertive young females. People feared that defining girls as bossy would be detrimental to their emotional growth and ability to achieve success. Sheryl Sandberg, the former CEO of Facebook, was one of them. For a short period of time, the media was abuzz with her efforts to ban the word from our lexicon – efforts which could be considered the epitome of bossiness.
Sandberg sat at the head of a Fortune 500 company which at the time was worth $67.8 billion. She did not get there by being meek, unassuming, docile, tractable, indecisive, compliant, passive, submissive, and/or yielding. Those words are all acceptable antonyms for bossy and no one – not man or woman – possessing those qualities makes it up the ladder of success.
Bossy gets women through the glass ceiling and into the board room. The trick to being really successful is the ability to hide one’s bossiness behind a public face that appears non-threatening. However, when the doors to a corner office on the executive floor are closed, the mask has to fall away or leadership will be ineffective.
Truthfully, if the trend toward banning words, thoughts, ideas and attitudes continues to rear its ugly head, I fear that soon the only way we will be able to communicate is with our hands. Even for those who do not know sign language, the use of hand gestures can be very effective. A wave can signify hello or goodbye. What is commonly called our index or pointer finger can be used to give directions. Moving one’s hand back and forth very quickly indicates pain or trouble. Extending the middle finger of either hand straight up while making a fist with the remaining fingers expresses… well, we all know what that gesture means. And, since we know what it means, I fear that the Word Police – they are a division of the People Patrols who roam the internet telling everyone what and how to think - will not be happy merely to ban the use of that singular digit. They will want to cut it off because extreme reactions have, of late, replaced intelligent actions.
Banning words is never as effective as changing the way those words are perceived. Sandberg’s efforts, with the help of parents worldwide, would have reaped better rewards if she had encouraged teaching young girls to embrace their bossiness. Choosing strong role models would help to mold future leaders. NOTE: Not celebrities, who are among the most ego driven people on the planet. Not one of them has achieved stardom without, at least, a modicum of bossiness.
We must encourage our daughters to stand up for themselves and their opinions without demeaning those who disagree with them. There is a difference between being bossy and being mean. We need to teach young women to respond to negative comments by saying, “Thank you. I do feel strongly about this issue,” and then continue with whatever they were doing or saying. In the end, we are each charged with discovering who we want to be and going after that goal. That journey requires strength of will.
My mother used to say “Every knock is a boost.” She taught me to be aware of who is defaming me rather than why they profess to be defaming me. The reasons are usually jealousy and/or envy… powerful fuels which propel naysayers to spout off. Words in and of themselves are not important. How we react to those words is important and is often dependent on how we see ourselves. Timid people flinch in the face of adversity. Confident people are rarely threatened by the assertiveness of others. More often than not, they admire those who jump the hurdles in their path.
Personally, I wish kids had called me bossy when I was growing up. Maybe then, it would not have taken me so long to recognize my strengths. Instead of banning a word, why not re-educate girls to its true meaning. By changing perceptions, our daughters will not only penetrate the glass ceiling; they will be able to reach for the sky.
No one has ever achieved success by letting the negative commentary of others influence their decisions. I would not be surprised if somewhere in Sheryl Sandberg’s home and/or office, there is a sign that reads, Bossy with the “y” crossed out. It sure is good to be the king… uh, queen.
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts. Please visit PBIEA at: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com