The media has been abuzz recently reporting an increase in class action law suits targeting Burger King, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Wendy's and most other fast food giants. In 2010, there were 45 such suits. In 2022, that number rose to 214. Most of the suits were for false advertising and misleading consumers into thinking they were getting more for their bucks.
Just a week ago, a Miami judge approved a $5 million suit against Burger King. Plaintiffs claimed the posters used to market Whoppers depicted the burger at a size 35% bigger than that which was served. The advertising geniuses hired to create this advertising campaign told one heck of a whopper which is now coming back to bite them in the buttocks.
Going after the big boys in the waste not/waist not industry is old news. A few years ago, the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) lured one San Francisco mother into filing a claim against McDonald’s for brainwashing. In the suit, the mother claimed that commercials for Happy Meals sent subliminal messages which infected her daughter’s mind, causing her to become a whining, sniveling little snot.
Okay, that is my interpretation of the lawsuit. In reality, the CSPI convinced this unsuspecting mother to be their guinea pig and probably promised her a sizable share of the wealth should the claim result in monetary reward.
I do not remember the outcome of that case, but I am hoping the judge assigned to it was the straightforward type and said, “Your kid is a brat, but it is not her fault. She staged a coup when you forgot to be a parent. Learn how to say, ‘No.’ Case dismissed. ”
Every time one of these stories hits the airwaves, I am reminded of my teenage years when a Sabrett hot dog from a pushcart was the closest thing we had to fast food. We called them “dirt water dogs” because no one knew when/if the water used to boil them was ever changed. They tasted great.
The high school I attended was co-institutional (meaning: Catholic) with boys on one side of the building and girls on the other. Furtive glances were exchanged as we made our way from class to class and rubbed shoulders in the hallways. The message was easily understood: Meet you behind the skating rink after final bell.
Our purpose was innocent. As soon as the gang was all together, we would begin our trudge home – for some of us a many-miles walk. Along the way we would push and shove each other as a sign of affection. Most afternoons we stopped for hot dogs and, if a boy felt especially sweet toward one of the girls, he would treat her to an all beef with the works. Ah, love.
One day, the works turned out to be more than any of us expected. I can see everything so clearly even though this happened over 50 years ago.
My friend, Claudio, a munchkin of a guy with a gigantic heart, was talking animatedly about the upcoming football game against our biggest rival. He held his frankfurter and bun in his hand and waved it around for emphasis. On one of those air passes, a pigeon flew over his head and pooped – right onto the hot dog. B52 bombers cannot drop their load with that kind of accuracy.
We all saw it happen, but like the smart-ass kids we were, we did not say a word. We stood as if in a trance as Claudio brought the bun to his mouth and took a bite. I have never laughed that hard again and, yes, I am ashamed of how we behaved – but it was funny.
One of the boys was first to catch his breath and be able to speak. With obvious glee, he told Claudio what had happened. Did I say he had a big heart? He also knew how to make the most of a comical and embarrassing situation.
Without missing a beat, he said, “Really. Tastes better than mustard.”
And he took another bite.
So, a word of advice for everyone who is disappointed with the size of their Whoppers, Big Macs, Wendy’s Double Stack, Checker’s Big Buford et al., try a little pigeon poop as a condiment. The problem will be solved instantaneously.
It took 15 years before I ate another Sabrett’s hot dog from a cart. Some memories last forever.
Bon Appetit!
Donna Carbone is the Executive Director/Playwright in Residence at the Palm Beach Institute for the Entertainment Arts, where education through entertainment is the mission statement.
Please visit: pbinstituteforentertainmentarts.com